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How to Talk to Boys Aged 8–11 About Masculinity, Gender, and Respect

By Annie Chadwick, Marketing & Social Media Manager, Voicebox |

07.15.2025

(This article was first published on Voicebox’s blog here.)

Talking to 8-year-old boys about masculinity probably isn’t at the top of most adults’ to-do lists. It can feel a bit heavy, awkward, and surely way too early right?

The truth is, the messages boys pick up about what it means to “be a man” start way before they hit puberty. It’s not something that suddenly clicks when they get a phone or discover TikTok. It starts when they’re told “boys don’t cry,” when they notice girls being rewarded for something they’d be shamed for, or when they hear the word “girl” itself is used as an insult. This type of stuff sticks.

When we avoid these conversations, boys are left to figure it out on their own (usually with a little help from the internet).

Boys, classroom, teaching, learning, computer — Equimundo’s Beyond Gender Stereotypes program

But boys this age do notice when something feels unfair. They do want to talk about big ideas. And they’re way more open than we give them credit for.

Instead of waiting until things go wrong, until a boy lashes out, clams up, or repeats something sexist, we need to start earlier. We need to talk about kindness, respect, identity, and emotions before they become taboo topics. We need to show boys that they can be strong and gentle, confident and caring, funny and emotionally aware.

This article brings together insights from Equimundo’s Beyond Gender Stereotypes program and our own work at Voicebox in primary schools, to share real, practical ways you can support the boys in your life to grow up without the outdated baggage of “what a man should be.”

Because it turns out, talking to boys about the unhealthy side of masculinity isn’t just important, it’s actually kind of amazing.

Why Early Conversations Matter

There’s a common myth that primary-aged children are too young to understand concepts like gender, identity and/or social expectations. But Equimundo’s research says otherwise.

The Beyond Gender Stereotypes program, which surveyed more than 3,000 pupils aged 7-11, found that boys were significantly more likely than girls to agree with statements like “boys shouldn’t cry” or “it’s okay for boys to physically fight.” Interestingly, the statements most strongly agreed with were those about stereotypes related specifically to boys, suggesting that boys still may hold rigid ideas about masculinity and boyhood.

Isha Bhatnagar, Senior Research Officer at Equimundo, explains: “With so much focus on girls – in STEM, sports, leadership – we increase the risk of leaving boys behind. Our research finds that children in this age group value fairness and cannot easily fathom the history of why there is so much of a focus on girls.”

For boys growing up with a strong sense of “fairness,” this can breed resentment and defensiveness, especially when no one is helping them make sense of their emotions or providing positive ways to express themselves. Of course, how can we expect an 8-year-old boy to comprehend the long history of women’s rights and male privilege? Privilege can be a lost concept in this age group, but focusing more on words like ‘respect,’ ‘freedom,’ and ‘kindness’ can be beneficial.

What is Equimundo’s Beyond Gender Stereotypes Program?

Led in partnership with U.K.-based charity Lifting Limits, Equimundo’s Beyond Gender Stereotypes program is part of the Global Boyhood Initiative, coordinated by Equimundo. Based in the United States, Equimundo has worked globally since 2011 to engage boys and men in gender equality efforts and prevent violence.

Beyond Gender Stereotypes was piloted in five primary schools in 2024 and will reach 40 schools across the United Kingdom in 2025 and 2026. Designed for children aged 7-11, the program includes:

Tailored PSHE lessons for Years 3-6
Online teacher training on recognizing and challenging gender stereotypes
Resources to help engage parents and carers

Its core mission is to support healthy, happy boyhoods, challenge limiting gender norms, and create more equitable classroom environments.

Program Officer Rachel Katz says: “Gender stereotypes limit children’s ability to achieve their full potential, and affect their self esteem, confidence and mental health. They can lead to bullying and exclusion, and perpetuate gender inequality.”

Often, these stereotypes go unchallenged in early childhood, making it all the more important to start productive, age-appropriate and values-led conversations in primary school, while children are still forming their understanding of the world and their place in it.

teacher, classroom, boys, gender — Equimundo’s Beyond Gender Stereotypes program

What Happens When We Trust Boys With Big Ideas?

At Voicebox, we’ve worked with hundreds of boys in Years 5 and 6 across the United Kingdom, delivering workshops on gender stereotypes, healthy masculinity, personal values, empathy, and respectful relationships. While many assume these are “grown-up” topics, the reality is that 8 to 11-year-old boys are often more ready than we give them credit for.

In one recent session, a facilitator reflected on how boys responded to a conversation about gender expectations and caring roles. The group began discussing whether girls were ‘naturally’ and ‘genetically’ more emotionally intelligent, or if that’s just something they were taught to be.

After another workshop at a primary school in Hackney, a facilitator received this feedback: “[This was a] really impactful workshop that encouraged students to reflect on ideas they don’t usually consider. The variety of activities and discussions kept them engaged throughout.”

Sessions like these show what’s possible when boys are given the opportunity to reflect on big concepts and the tools to explore ideas openly.

Challenging Our Own Assumptions

Equimundo’s Beyond Gender Stereotypes program discovered a great deal in not only what children were learning, but what their teachers were unlearning.

Before taking part in the program, 45% of teachers agreed with the statement: “Boys naturally talk about their feelings less than girls.” After the training, that number dropped by more than half.

Over a quarter of teachers believed that “boys are naturally more competitive than girls” pre-program, whereas afterwards, just 11% still agreed. “The most impactful part of the Beyond Gender Stereotypes program has been that teachers began to reflect on their own practices in the classroom and the unknowing stereotypes they personally hold about boys’ education,” says Isha.

So How Do We Talk to 8- to 11-Year-Old Boys About Masculinity?

If you’re a teacher, youth worker or parent wanting to start (or deepen) these sorts of conversations, here are some practical tips drawn from Equimundo’s findings and Voicebox’s frontline experience:

1. Start with Values (not labels)

Rather than opening with terms like “toxic masculinity” – which can easily shut down conversation or trigger defensiveness – try shaping your discussion around values.

Ask:

What does it mean to be a kind friend?
What does a good team player look like?
When have you felt really proud of how you handled something hard?

These open-ended prompts let boys connect how they feel with the sort of person they want to be. It’s very rare that we find boys in workshops saying they don’t want to be a good person. Ultimately this is what most boys (and girls) strive for as they develop into young adults, so keeping the conversation focused around this concept can be really useful for keeping them engaged and proactive.

2. Have Positive Role Models Ready to Suggest

Boys are more likely to feel like they can subvert a gender stereotype if they see others doing it too.

Isha noted that some teachers in the Beyond Gender Stereotypes program struggled to identify male role models who’d gone against stereotypes. This is a huge opportunity. Look for men who are carers, dancers, nurses, stay-at-home dads, or who speak openly about emotions. Names which pop up often in our workshops are Marcus Rashford, Jordan Stephens, Gareth Southgate, and Roman Kemp. Some names which Equimundo suggests in its BGS curriculum are Idris Elba, Jack Harries, Chris Packham, and Stormzy. Sharing stories from books, films, and our own real lives can also be beneficial. You can find our list of positive male role models here.

3. Challenge Gently But Clearly

If a boy says something problematic e.g. “Girls are too emotional” or “Crying is weak,” avoid shutting him down or implying that that’s a ‘wrong’ thing to say.

Instead, ask questions like:

Why do you think that?
Do you think that’s always true?
How might someone else feel hearing that?

And it’s not just boys who need these moments. Girls hear the same stereotypes, and sometimes reinforce them too – about themselves, their classmates, or what’s “normal” for boys and girls to be or do. Creating space for all children to unpack these ideas helps build connections across genders, and stops limiting beliefs before they get too comfortable.

We often advise teachers to adopt the ‘facilitator mindset,’ in which they should prioritize guiding open, judgement-free conversations over prescribing what is “right” or “wrong.” This approach allows space for reflection without confrontation which, over time, leads to more long-term impact.

kids, students, classroom — Equimundo’s Beyond Gender Stereotypes Program

4. Support Boys in Transition

Years 5 and 6 are key times for boys who are about to transition to secondary school. This exciting time can also be clouded with uncertainty, identity shifts and peer pressure, all fertile ground for gender norms to harden if left unaddressed.

Our team at Voicebox often finds that boys this age are still incredibly open. They might be testing boundaries, but most of them are hungry for safe, non-judgmental spaces where they can ask questions and be treated more like a “grown-up.”

Boys aged 8–11 are at an important crossroads; they’re old enough to notice unfairness, difference and pressure, but still young enough to be influenced by the conversations we have with them. If we don’t make the time for these conversations now, we leave boys to learn about manhood and relationships from the internet (which we all agree can be a breeding ground for misinformation).

So whether you’re in a classroom, around the dinner table, or running a youth club, what you say to, with and about boys really matters. It really is down to us adults to help shape not just how boys see themselves, but the grown-ups they will become.